This blog

Seems to have become my go to bitch blog. Sad, because of the creativity hidden within the bitching. I have been thinking about what to do with it. Should I keep it, now that I have so many blogs? Should I import all content to my other one, should I ignore the other one and keep this one? I don't know. And now I have admin duties of www.myviewaskew.com, as well as maintain content control. If there is no content, I must create content hence, the control. LOL. I just don't know. This blog stopped being mine when it became ammo for the ex, and his beastly mother. I stopped writing here because I knew they frequented my blog. So I am truly considering simply importing it all to my other blog and letting this one die. It was a great jumping point for me, but I don't know. Sigh. I am giving myself a week. That's it, one week.

Look!

www.myviewaskew.com

Pouting

Because I can and nobody can stop me. Ha.

In pain

Good god, it seems to be increasingly worse every day. Since I fell, I seem to be in ever increasing pain. My first appoinment with ortho is March 10. I am hoping that brings some relief, but since I have surgical consult this week for foot, I am not too hopeful. I fear the added strain of trying to get around on crutches when I am supposed to be flat on my back will take a toll. I feel stressed about all this, but since I am only 33 I know it is important to care for my body. And thats all I have to say about that.

Frustrated

I have spent the last, whoa, 15 years making my kids my life. I love them, will do anything to care for them protect them and provide for them. That is me. And it caused another huge fight with Dark. And when I saw huge fight, I mean I was really pissed and so was he and we stared each other down. I was bitching about the ex husband, nothing overly huge, but the tickets to the Father Daughter dance tomorrow and our youngest daughter. RSVP and purchase is due today. Ex is insisting HE take the child, not Dark. So I told him again, RSVP and tickets were due. He says he can purchase at door. I am not so sure if he can or not, but why chance? So I was going to go purchase the ticket, it is 10 and that way I would know my daughter wouldn't be sad. Dark was upset by that. And I see why, I am always doing something to bail the ex out. When he forgets something or just doesn't do it, I pick up the slack. I always have. And Dark thinks because we are not married, it isn't my job. Well it is all about my kids. My daughter will be crushed if dads plan fails. She looks forward to this. So to me, it is easier to purchase tickets and avoid little girl heartache. And Dark says all divorces involve heartache. I am not sure sure about his reasoning, allowing my kids to feel heart broken because dad dropped the ball. I am not doing it this time. I am not going to go around the corner, lay down the 10.00 and buy the tickets. I want to, oh boy do I. I won't. I will sit here tomorrow night and see what transpires. He will either fly or fail. In the end, she will be coming home to mommy and what ever happens, it will be my job to smile and hug her.

And if he fails, I will cry along with her and feel angry at two men in my life for making her heart. One, because he failed to plan ahead and take care of the situation and the other for telling me not to bail out #1. So either way, they both better be prepared.

And in other news, I have drugs. If I can get to the point of being able to take said drugs, I would be happier. The van needs to go in for an inspection and I can't drive all doped up on pain killers. Damn everything for not working with me.
And tomorrow I am going to try, tryyyyy, and buy a new camera. And getting a new present for our house. Shhhhhhhhh, it isn't a PlayStation 3 and rockband, nope. Mommy loves her silly gamers, hates games, but loves her gamers.

Livid

I wish I knew, off the top of my head, the definition of "livid", but I am feeling rightly pissed the fuck off right now. I mean so pissed I am sick with not only anger, but disbelief. So I am sitting here minding my own business and the phone rings, it is the lovely ex advising me of the new schedule. Which apparently has changed today, unbeknowst to me. To suit his girlfriends work schedule. Which also means the hotel reservations for Friday, no good. The non refundable tickets to the theater, wasted money. The dinner reservation, useless. All because the way things were works with her work schedule. Well fucking excuse me. How about my school schedule was rearranged to suit everyone else. How about MY being called from work to pick kids up because he was in Brunswick, so it was for me. How about done work a week early because he forgot to tell me they had child care lined up? And now, the next three weeks of plans are shot because things don't suit her work schedule? Fuck YOU. How about ME? How about if I had done this I would be shit. This all came about because he made plans and when I brought up the scheduling upset, he balked and said to bad. And I say the same thing and get told, fuck you, you have no say in anything you are shit. The sad part is I don't hate these people, I hate that they walk on me. I hate that everything rotates around the guy who left me. The guy who had two inappropriate evenings where there was sensual contact between him and a friend of mine. And I had a flirtatious conversation, online, with a guy, he came home and left me. And now I have to kiss his ass and M's ass and neither have the least bit of regard to me. NO respect to anything outside themselves.

I hate my life. I hate this situation and frankly I wish they would disappear, go away fall off the earth. To treat me like this is acceptable? Whatever. Karma is a bitch and they will get theirs.

And while ranting, ex's mother is a horrid beast. Imean that with the most endearment I can muster. She called me last Saturday about blah, Head lice, blah 100 of my own money, blah, why was I not treating the head lice, why wouldn't I be bothered. Didnt ask if I knew they had lice, didn't ask how I had been treating them, nope just went off on how I was a horrid mother because they had lice. Well, I have been treating lice. I have been following the recommendations made by the school nurse, comb morning and night. Last week,combed her before school, head was clean nothing on it at all. GEt a call from child care(it was dads night, he had them call me to get them from child care. He wasn't leaving work early, they didn't call M, nope called me, see above) daughter had lice. Well mother fucker, she didn't that morning before school. She is getting them at school from class mates. and HIS MOMMY CALLS ME ABOUT MY LACK OF DOING ANYTHING. Ha. Who sits here every morning and combs with the lice comb? Who makes sure her hair is up? Who washed bedding, jackets, hats and mittens, vacuumed every piece of upholstered furniture and then sprayed with lice spray? Certainly wasn't me, who spent x in HER OWN MONEY! to treat these kids. Nope, certainly not. And people wondered why I didn't fight to keep him as my husband? Nah, they shouldn't.

Sacroiliac Disease

It is painful and miserable. And treatable. I have suffered for no reason. It started while was pregnant, which is common. after I had the baby and it ddnt clear up, there shoudl have been treatment instead it was ignored. Dammit.

Just a girl

I have been having this narrative in my head all week about some writings I am looking forward to doing. I am excited because it is about *me*. LOL, seriously. I have transformed in the last year from a squat ugly duck to this woman I hadn't known before. I spent years in jeans t shirts and sneaks. I know find myself drooling over girly top, accessories that are perfect, glamour! I have changed and the most of it happened while I wasn't aware. A simple shift. And now I find myself taking, no making, time for makeup and hair other than a ponytail. Lip gloss has become a staple. I have changed from the boring girl, to the office stiff(although nice it wasn't *me*) to something in between. Jeans can have glam? Shoes *drool*. I just didn't see it happen. I like her though, hope she stays.

Hampster wrestling, the girl behind the ex and oh yeah, bitter freakin cold

So here we are into the second month of the year, leaving me with a yearning to be done winter. Let me just say that groundhog may have to go into the witness protection program come tomorrow. Fucker better tell me spring is here. My hands hurt, they are itchy and have split open. A true sign of dead of winter. Ah yes my sinuses are also making my teeth ache. Waaaaaa

I a have physical Thursday. Not happy, but I know it is what needs to be done. I am not going to shy around some serious issues. One, I am covered in bruises. Head to toe, all the time. I had a bruise the size of a coffee cup on the top of my foot. The top? Argh. Oh yes and I am always cold, not just feel cold but my extremities are always cold. And the hip and the foot surgery. yay Two weeks of bed rest. See me smiling?? Dammit.

So the exs girl called me. I had heard some things from the kids that were left field and made me mad. I guess the kids are playing us for suckers. She invited us to dinner. I want to go, don't get me wrong, something though. I dunno.

The concert. OMFG. Way cool. I like smaller venues, we were on the floor maybe 30 feet from the stage. We could have been closer, but I was good where I was. Skillet was the coolest, Puddle Of Mudd rawr and Shinedown was awesome. By the end I was exhausted! Lots of jumping and head thrashing and fist pumping for all.

I filed my taxes today. All by myself, for the first time ever. I have never had to do it all by myself before. Yay me!

And school is school. I only love one class, making the other three hard to even care about.

We had a lice outbreak. Not surprising 4 kids in public school, you can bet someone is gonna get em. So I stripped beds, washed everything that would go in the washer. Hats, mittens jackets, throw pillows. Stuffed animals, anything I could wash. Let me tell you, I have been busy. Bug free heads and the house is clean, bonus?

So we are totally freezing tonight because an unnamed woman didn't realize the oil tank was near empty. *whistles and backs away* and they only deliver on Tuesday and Thursday in Waterville. Oppsssss. So I turned everything down just in case.

Gots to go, homework to do and a load of wash to fold! Whoohoooooo!

My birthday, repeat

Because us really really fucking good girls do it twice, I get to celebrate my birthday again!

Saturday I get to collect on my birthday present. Concert tickets :)

Yay baby.

Be jealous, ya know you love me :)

Hahaha

To write is to know ones inner mind

Cause I said so :)

If you didn't know I love to write.

I am determined to put more effort into the half put tgehter pile of pages I have.

Need to find someone to proof read many pages.

Anyone applying?

Tired, have errands to run befre kids get home. Then a nap I hope?

I love my life.

:)

Totally not what I am supposed to be doing but am doing it anyway.

Just sayin

It snowing its snowing and there no school!!

I am giddy. One, I got a decent nights sleep. Two I am caught up on homework enough to play today. Three I get some rest today!

Giddy I am. I know silly reasons, but they make me happy.


Now, anyone wanna shovel for me? lol

Housekeeping

Wasnt happy with the last refresh I did of the blog, sooo I did it again. This time, I like it.

Just something to look at