I hate IE

Internet Explorer is worthless. Blogger no longer allows me to ding in through IE. So we are becoming a Chrome household. Well, except for classwork because Blackboard doesn't like Chrome at all. Of course I don't like Blackboard but I guess I need to suck it up for another couple of months.

So what have I been up to? Well working full time. I love my job like I have never loved a job before. I have a reasonable sense of freedom, make my own schedule mostly and am pretty good at it. And I can't help but appreciating that work has been supportive of my finishing my degree. I work around my classes. And oh yeah, I am a full time student still. I look forward to graduating. Although, it worked out well because these classes are pretty easy considering I am in the field. I am pretty content. I am also working on a pretty big senate campaign. Well, here and there I do. My daughter  is "Assistant Campaign Manager". Not to shabby for 11, huh? And I am just starting a new project, although I have almost no time, I am meeting hopefully this week to start a rather in depth research/book project with a former instructor. It should be very interesting if I can find the time to develop it. It is at least a year or two of research, so how fun!

Lets see what else, I fell down at work last week and spent two days in the office working. I loathe being stuck in the office. It is my least favorite part of anything, office work. Ick. The good news is, my husband kept me on the couch when I wasn't at work and it should be ok.

Britt went to Boston last week. Robert and I have been trying to tell Britt she would love Boston for a year, and she though we were nuts. Well, she went on a class trip and guess what, she loved it!

(This post is becoming a lot of little snippets, not what I intended when I started!)

We are planning a vacation over the summer. I have never been in a position where I was able to take a paid period of time off from work and just vacation. Neither has my husband, really. So we are planning on going away with the kiddos to an all inclusive resort. We are not going far, but they are as excited as me!

Oh do you know what is happening today? We are all going to be planted in front of 55 inches of HD glory as we watch the Pats vs. Ravens, while eating pizza and nachos!

My baby is 9 years old today! I can't believe he is so grown up. HE is just as cute, and much more likable to be around without the poopy diapers, crying and puking ;) And Polly turned 11 last Thursday. Britt will be 17 in March(car shopping anyone??) and JJ will be 14 in May.

I will admit, I feel very blessed to be able to look at them succeeding at life and say yeah, we did that. Their dad and I have done pretty darn good. The journey has not been perfect, and sometimes we face those challenges many parents do.

It is interesting, because as we aspire as parents to move forward and succeed, it adds parenting challenges. Dad worked for years to make foreman, and once he did it has often meant longer hours. And my working and going to school often means longer hours, late nights and harder times being everywhere. Somehow though we have made it work well. And as my husband starts to prepare for college himself, we will face all new challenges. It seems we will forever be working to better our lives, mostly with the kids in mind.

So time is precious around here. I would not change any of it for the world wrapped up in bows.

Damn Straight, or maybe even left......

So started the new job on December 16th. I literally hit the ground running, with no actual training but I am damn good at my job. I work in mental health, which is one of the damn scariest things to do if you ask me. Most especially when these people are terrified right now they will lose everything. The threat of losing their federally funded health insurance is almost more than most people can bear. Now, I did a HUGE research paper on welfare reform, and one on health care reform. That being said, I am also privy to knowing people in my personal life that are raping the system. People that wont hold a job and keep going back onto federally funded programs on their husbands coat tails so they can collect, scrimp by and not have to work. I didn't use to want to work, I wanted to be a stay at home mom and housewife, but even then I did not collect welfare. We made do, it was my job to make the most of the money. And then I discovered a gratifying job. One that although exhausting at times, brings an enormous sense of joy, satisfaction and pride. And the very generous salary, and paid time off does not hurt either.

Although I am more than able, and willing, to say that the next five months are going to bring great trials, responsibility and stress. I have one more semester to complete, 4 classes, 3 live on campus and one online. And I have to make sure I am still able to work 40 hours. The perks of the job is that I am able to almost entirely make my own schedule and my boss has done nothing but be accommodating. But.....
My husband is more than willing to pick up all my slack, along with the kids. I know that it will all be worth everything second of no sleep, of stress and dirty floors when all five of them are cheering for me May 19th as I get my degree. And my boss is hoping to score me a raise when I graduate.

And as we prepare to leave one season of life, we prepare to enter another. Brittanie is now driving! Yep, my girl completed drivers ed and is now in possession of her learners permit. And although I said I would never do it, we are buying her a car. I am doing it because Britt is looking to go to college in Presque Isle, a one year welding program, and I do not feel like driving up every weekend to get her. As well as Robert is looking at starting college in the fall. It isn't a giant stretch for him, but he can test out of of about 50% of the program. There is so much of life left, that it is time to move forward.

I turned 35 recently. I felt good about it, there was no giant party. It was simply a dinner out. We did spend New Years playing Texas Hold Em with friends.

Robert and I have been talking about goals for the upcoming year. Besides trying to hold on while I graduate. We are taking the kids on a weekend long vacation. It isn't a stretch for us, since we are not going very far. We are spending a long weekend at a resort on the ocean, and going whale watching. The kids have been asking for two years to go whale watching, this summer we are going. And Robert and I will be going to Boston again, as well as planning a weekend to celebrate our one year anniversary.

Our goals this year aren't giant ones, in the realm of life. We are looking at smaller things. Things like building a savings cushion, an emergency fund, saving monthly through the year for the holiday season and getting out of debt. Next year our focus will be retirement savings, as neither of us want to be in the position of some many people who failed to plan. Social security is not enough to live off. At all. And we are starting to have interest in diversifying ourselves, stocks and bonds wise.

And our last goal of this year is to buy a boat. Not an easy task as we have been shopping for 5 months now. We know what we want, and there is no way we are going to sell ourselves short. Although our willingness to buy an older boat means we can probably score one from a private sale for around 10,000! I figure that is a pretty good deal for a summer of family togetherness.

So there is a synopsis of our lives right now. Never been more happy in life, marriage, as a career woman or as  a person. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you :)

Damn You Blogger!

I have had one hell of a time with Blogger lately. After a month or so of farting around and password recovery, I think I am good.

So last weekend Robert and I went to Boston. And we explored. And saw VnV Nation, live. And I got to chat for a brief few moments with Ronan. Very lovely man. And I came home relaxed, sated and feeling good.

Classes are wrapping up, thank goodness because I have been blessed with an amazing chance, and I am taking it! College is paying off, finally. I got a great promotion at work, along with a big pay boost. I am giddy right now.

Life is good, married life is better. It took some time to figure out where our problems were, but once we did I feel nothing but joy! Sheer joy. I love being able to drag my husband along to various events, like the Democratic dinner, a company dinner next week and other various things. He looks damn good beside my ugly mug and I can't get enough of his smile! Gawd, it is gorgeous.

So Christmas is creeping up, quickly. I am done shopping for the most part. I have to buy dinner, drop off some donations to the community programs. I am on the fence about cards, although I have some groovy Shakespeare ones that scream Tina and Robert.

And now, it is time for me to go get the oldest from drivers ed!

Flocks of birds hum ~

This week has left me feeling deflated. I was exhausted to boot, Monday I was up and out the door needlessly, Tuesday was alright, Wednesday was a cluster of irratation, Thursday was just all wrong and Friday said, Here Tina go fuck yourself with this cactus. I had parent teacher meetings this week, and on the heels of last weeks misery, I just really am wondering why even bother.

Well this morning I started off before I even had coffee with a brisk walk with the dog. I wish my husband had gone with me, but I think it is time for me to accept he sleeps far more than I ever will. Makes me kinda grouchy because he misses out on so much. Like walking in complete silence, watching the sky brighten to have a flock of birds take off from their perch and fly right over my head. It was beautiful, and I shared it with the dog.

I have class this morning, which I am not looking forward too because I woke to another sunis headache. I think it is high time to invest in a humidifier if I am going to survive the winter. I though quitting smoking would bring some more immediate relief, but it didn't.

I have many errands time things to do and I hope to get them done promptly. I have been scolding myself relentlessly because I haven't even gotten the camera out and done any pics. For some reason, there is a negative attachment to it now. I think in the end, I will have to part with it anyway so maybe I am just trying to distance myself? I don't know. Since selling my studio equipment last week I have been rather down.

And I reallly wonder if life will ever be alright between the two of us. We are both some dysfunctional it isn't even funny. Yesterday I was worried over of all things, money, because the phone bill was double what it should have been. And when I say ANYTHING, Robert automatically gets angry and defensive. It can't simply be lets problem solve togehter, nope everything the comes out of my mouth he feels is me attacking him. I am begining to think I should resign myself as married to a wonderful guy, who can't function properly and thinks I am his ex wife. I have gotten to the point of loathing that woman. I don't often feel so strongly about people, I may get angry but it usually fizzles quick. But she has ruined so much of my life, along with her backstabbing husband. My life will never be happy thanks to those two. If Robert tells me I am acting like S one my time, I don't think I can hold myself together. I am so tired of not getting the best of what life has because of cruel, vindictive women that came before me. Cheat on him, lie about him, leave post it notes about your affair and then run off with his best friend, banging him while Robert sits in the police station with nothing but a laundry basket of clothes. And I expect my life to be happy? I will never get what I deserve, ever. I am forever bound to what little he has left, no trust, no comfort or compassion when I feel bad because S through a computer at him, or put so much money into drugs and booze, I will never get what I deserve thanks to her. What a way to start a married life. To get to see all the bullshit she bred in him, and expect to get over it. There is no resolutions in this family, it is just Robert ignoring it until he feels it has gone away. Leaving me even more angry because we never solve, we ignore. Just as happened yesterday. At the end of his work day, I was expected to forget and move on as though nothing had happened at all. And this morning? I am more hurt than I was before, and not allowed to say anything. Great.

What did you do this weekend?

So I have once again been ridiculously busy. This seems the norm for me. I have been working on work, school is whooping me clean. The S.J. Project is a thesis paper based on a real life charector, I love to read a blog about, and coincidently makes a perfect inspiration for a thesis paper on Borderline Personality Disorder. Now obviously she is not the focus of the paper, simply inspiration and understanding, well as much  understanding as I can gain at 6 am from a glowing computer monitor.

So I cleaned feverishly last Friday, and Saturday, cooking enough food for a small army. We had a small get together this past weekend in our home. I shall give you a hint:

Ponder it for a while, then get back to me! 

                             Mrs. Karns

Just Another Friday Night

And to be honest after last weekend, I am ready for a chill weekend of being home. We cleaned, rearranged, got the library set up and done, did a haunted hay ride with kids, went out dancing with some friends, more laundry, cleaning and being sick. Of course I have not been nearly as sick as Rob, he apparently caught pneumonia. And was home all week, which stressed me out.

I have been exhausted. And just can't sleep enough. The last time I slept this much I was pregnant. Which I am not, but man I can't sleep enough. And Robert, poor thing is picking up my slack, because I can't help myself. It is his own fault for teaching me to stop when I am not feeling well. Years ago, that was unheard of for me.

Work blows, sucks and I hate it. I am tired of my hours being cut.

School is interesting enough. I start live class next week, which I am ready for. My research paper is really sucking me in. Not to often I like to be proven wrong, but the thesis is doing just that. I am learning that most woman who are diagnosed as BPD after a history of sexual trauma are misdiagnosed and instead suffer PTSD, not BPD. Interesting huh??

Oh and yeah that is something huge happening in two weeks, not that anyone gives a shit, but it appears it is. Cold feet and all.

So that's it in my world, how bout yours??

Happy is as happy does

So lately I have been spreading my wings so to speak. I have been doing things that a couple years ago I would ahve scoffed at. And for some reason now, I am doing them. And doing damn well at them. Todays Schedule:

Alarm beeps at 5:20, after a 1 am bedtime I hit silence and wait for the back up alarm.
6:00 am, have to get up at this one. Drage butt up the stairs to wake Elijah. Put english muffin in the toaster, make coffee, our Cheerios, add mik. Toaster pops. Eat breakfast.

6:30 am stumble back dow the stairs, coffee in hand, wake Robert. Lay beside him and warm up  for just a few.

6:45 send Elijah out the door, wake Polly and Nick. Their clothes were ready last night. Pour cereal, make cocoa, remind them to dress after breakfast. Stumble back down stairs.

7:00 Head to closet to find clothes, head to bathroom for shower, forgot pants, got in shower, for some reason couldn't rinse shampoo from hair. Grrr. Get out, brush teeth, get dressed, find new pants dont like those ones with that top.

7:25 attack matted hair with brush, hurtd like hell. Lose half my hair, but finally tangle free. Apply make up.

7:40 sit down for a cup of coffee while children gather things for school.

7:50 head out to bus, my feet hit the gravel and I realize I am shoeless. Shrug, try to find a spot of sun and bear it. Kiss kids, head inside.

8:00 am sit down at computer to check job postings before work. Check email, follow up on some things, pay a bill.

9:00 am leave for meeting with supervisor to head to clients.

9:15 get to clients, client wont let us in because of fleas. Shit.

9:25 drive back home, muttering and seething whole way.

9:45 am inhale coffee and seethe, check job postings shoot off an email to HR for interview.

10:15 decide to head to pet store for crickets for the lizard.

11:30 stop for lunch, it is our annversary BTW.

1:10 head to work, yay! a few hours. Maybe I can get more than 3 this week.

1:15 oh shittttttt

4:12 jump in car and head to KVCC for meeting with dean of students, oh crap what is this?  A missed call for phone interview. Farqing awesome.

4:30 meet with dean of students. I like what she has to say, I have a plan.

5:00 try to call back HR about interview, don't know lady's last night, have to know last name for directory. Man....

5:14 walk in house, find emai l Ididn't check before work about phone interview and email from teacher about rention for son. Damn it all

5:20 walk back out the door with Britt so she can do some shopping. Feet killing me, blisters forming. Hunger, thirst, brain shutting down.

5:30 quick call to honey, angry call from ex.

5:45 stopped by and got some donations for paying for venue, yay good news!

6:00 more shopping, angry feet, stressed about missing interview. Stupid girl.

6:30 Walmart is full of people that should not be out without a leash. One more person runs thier cart over my feet I swear.

7:00pm home finally, more emails, a to do list for the night, oh yeah game jersey for tomorrow so laundry.

Here I am, still a ton of work to do and I want to sleep and pretend I am an ostrich. Crap. At least I have dinner!

Hunger

Far to often people take for granted simple things. The fact they lie down at night in a safe, warm home. Or have food to eat, or warm clothes to put on. How would your life change if someone took away your food. If you were expected to work, play, got to school and learn without a single morsel in your stomach. If the hunger pains weren't stopped, only postponed by perhaps a glass of water. Your sleep was fitful at best, the pain wrenching you from sleep again and again. Your daydreams weren't those of other people who might dream of what they want from life, you were dreaming of food. A cheeseburger, and warm bowl of oatmeal, which made the longing worse but you couldn't control it.

That is why I want to raise money for this food pantry. I want to feed people. I want families to be able to sit down together and enjoy something warm, something nourishing. Why should they not?

And that is why I have anger at KVCC right now. They have the chance to help people eat, to enjoy a meal before bed, to fill children's tummies. And yet I was told, the school is far to conservative to allow a rock concert fundraiser.

At what point does it become embarrassing that a school, that teaches diversity and acceptance as part of their programs, will not accept something new to feed people. Hungry people.

This isn't the last of this battle, I will find a venue, I will feed people, I will look into the eyes of those who grieve their hunger and say, Lets eat.

I am not a rich person, I struggle to keep it all together as much as the next person. But people are hungry. In fact I  know a young man right now who is hungry, and I am ashamed to admit that I turned him down. Not because he was hungry, but because he has been content to settle into a life of mediocrity and accept it. He has the tools to change, but it is too much work for him to try. It isn't pleasant to have to walk to work, but damn when you wont even try.....

This damn country is starving to death. And I want to see people change that. People in rough financial shape, even those on food stamps, can open their home, their heart, their wallet. If you get so much food stamps that you end up spending surplus on junk food, buy a bag of groceries for someone else, invite them to dinner. Do ANYTHING to keep people from being hungry!

Now, I think I am off to rattle some people. I have a lot to do today and want to shake up as many people as I can find and make it known how unacceptable it is to deny a fundraiser for people who are hungry.

Well Boy Howdy, that was hard

I have been trying to re register my domain for two weeks, could not figure out WTF the problem was, it appears our browser was the problem? Anyway, it is fixed and yay I am back for another year of blogtastisticness.

So many things have been happening here in our world. 21 days to the wedding, and I am unrealistically calm about the whole situation. Eh, it is a wedding not a frigging fundraiser.

Speaking of, I went out to my school yesterday and met with the Student Development office to ask about using the gym for my fundraiser. I was told that the school was far to conservative to allow a rock fundraiser to happen there. Well, after anger and discouragement, I wrote the dean of students. Well I have a meeting with her Monday afternoon. I have a feeling that I will get backing. But, I don't want to get an ego.

I have an offer of a job interview. I worked 3 hours this week. 3. Frigging hours. And I know that my position is per diem, but really? So this position is an office job, doing some quality control paperwork. I can keep an afternoon caseload, but have a steady income as well. And it is office work. In an office. Yay!

And fundraiser is full steam ahead, despite not having a venue. I will find one, but in the meantime, don't gt in my way.

Tonight I was honored to be able to attend an annual fundraiser for democratic support. I met some wonderful, wonderful people. I was inspired, I was moved, I was left motivated. It was a wonderful way to see what needs doing and connect to people that think like me. Although, really do many people think like me??

Another busy weekend ahead I think. Community service work, Harvest Fest, homework, fundraising, preparations for a meeting.

Sometimes I don't believe this is my life. Sometimes I am in awe of what has happened in three short years. I was self loathing, I thought I would and could never make a change. I thought that everything I had heard for years was true and unchanging. And here I am, dipping my toes into politics, making positive change within my own community, helping others, working, learning and raising some great kids. And if I let it, for a split second I can imagine it all being blown away. If I fuck off for just a split second, I can lose it all.

And to know that beside me I have the perfect person. One who lifts me when I need it, reassures me over and over when I ask him is this right, is it ok? A person that normally likes to take charge, that can step back and let me shine. A person who spends his day painting to please me, will clean the cat box without complaint, get up after only a couple hours sleep to herd children into clean clothes and breakfast so I can sleep and extra hour, knowing I will do the same tomorrow. A man who praises everything I am, not do, that I am. I couldn't be more grateful, or thankful. Maybe that is why I am cucumber calm about the wedding. I don't doubt. And to know he is willing to give me everything I need and more just to see me smile. Well, why wouldn't I be ready.

This Sucks

I hate feeling emotionally depleted. I like my ever stoic critical mind, sharp, yet witty, with a wire tongue and short fuse. My never ending supply of motivation, a heart that won't quit giving. I love my kids and Robert, I love school and my job, I love the work I do with community service. What I hate is someone who threatens all of that because they have messed up their own life.

Now, I am a pretty forgiving person and undeniably willing to give. That would be why I am planning an ungodly fundraiser right now. But, I have these moral limits that I can't undo. One being anyone who treats their children as disposable. If your life choices place your children in harms way, then you don't deserve my forgiveness, and me not to judge you. Most especially, if your behavior carries on for two years AFTER you have lost your children.

If your lifestyle is the reason you lost them, then you carry on in such a manner that implies you don't care, until after you are put in a position of forced change, then don't ask me to accept you. Don't ask me to not lay judgement, do not ask me to turn a blind eye, do not try and place my family in that same position.

I have a super soft spot in my heart for children. I am a mom, I donate to protect children, I give to children, I do my best to advocate for children. I will not advocate for anyone who has been unjust to a child.

EVER.

Dumb, dumb, dumb~

Ya know I just love it when I can log in and see people talk smack about shit they don't know. Especially when it is directed towards me and I DO KNOW. Hello, I am a mental health major, I am transferring to a social work program, I do have friends that are SOCIAL WORKERS. This ain't my first rodeo.

Get your stupid off me, I itch.

And can I take a moment to express my humor at ugly ass naked people, with no sense of rhyme or rhythm. Snark~

Did you all know post its are yellow?? Shit, I had no clue.

I am just grouchy.

Although I should not be. I got to visit Camden today. What a lovely, although greatly over run by idiot tourist, community. I don't appreciate being pushed out of the way because your wallet holds more money than mine does.

The harbor out there is a fantastic view from Harborside, I think it was called. And there is a gorgeous church, I was pinning for my camera.

Wedding, wedding. ah it is all bullshit and got to have a highly educated conversation with someone today about how weddings come across as less classy then children's birthday parties. How classy is it to have your new husband reaching up into your shit to grab a piece of lace and toss it at people. I want a pinata instead. A hello kitty one maybe.

And the traditional catering, as set forth by etiquette, sucks. Chicken or fish. Pfft, gimme me some good cooking and something I want to eat after running around for two insane days.

We need to buy a suitcase. All my current luggage is very ugly and out of date. Ok, not even that. It is a LL Bean canvas tote. Love it to pieces, great for hauling EVERYTHING, but not going away for the weekend to see Boston kinda thing.

Speaking of Boston, my excitement is still there, but my exuberance has fizzled.

Prozac anyone?? In an espresso, to go. Please.

Have I mentioned my love of Starbucks??

Have I mentioned I am scatter brained? No, make a note.

I have taken my wedding dress out of the bag twice. I have not tried it on. Eh, I should eh??
The shoes match perfectly!

I need to schedule a nail appointment for me and Ninny. Forgot, day 3.....

Have I mentioned I lost my planner?? No, it sucks.

I need a little black book. My contacts are growing and I need a place to store them.

I chuckle humbly when I move up in the world and it pisses haters off. I earned this shit.

Still waiting for a case management opening.

This would have looked a lot cleaner as a bulleted list!



   Rock life like it is a song from the depths of your heart. Sing loudly, proudly and out of tune!

Blown Away~

My life is some crazy whirlwind! I tell ya, sometimes I wonder why I love this so very much. School, work, family, a benefit concert (huge deal), some entry level politics, much training at work. And it just keep going! Being a football mom, volunteer work, playing just as hard. And a GIANT first for me next week, that is making me terribly excited. A fundraising dinner that will reportedly have some larger public figures in attendance. Yay! Hell if one is going to fall into political stuff, might as well land with a splash,right?

So I have so much on my plate, and I wouldn't change a second of anything.

Feels good to be in a position to make change that means something, my biggest cause is hunger in Maine. So watch for the announcement that tickets are on sale:)

And to round out my otherwise pleasant day, Roberts ex wife flaunted her adulterous behavior today, blogging about her affairs she had while with him, as well as leaving him for his friend. It takes some kind of class to have pride is hurting someone so badly, and since I believe in karma I believe one day karma will bite her ass. Wait, it has a couple of times. I am laying low enough to be watching when the big ball hits.

Oh, and the wedding planning is DONE! All I have to do is get purty in a few weeks. 32 days to be exact. Well, I do have paperwork to do for all the name changes, especially work since all my certs need to be dealt with! Speaking of certifications, MANDT training is rather boring and repetitive to several other things I have learned.

Have to do graduation application too, and schedule Robert to get into admissions office so he can start his enrollment process.

Good God

So I am now American Heart Association CPR/First Aid certified.

Just spent a couple hours rifling through the Internet to get phone numbers and freezer recipes.

Made a fall wish list for the kiddos....

Made a to do list to schedule some appointments...

Have to much on my mind to really settle down...

Oh and I am planning a fundraiser, ideas send em to me. The one I have is huge

Service learning, the idea is great the reality sucks balls. I don't have time for this shit..

I really want my student loan checks....

I am tired.

The End <3

I had to f'n chuckle~

So I am bored, jacked up from a nap today and a pot of tea, as well as some awesome new engagements I have been offered, otherwise hyper. To cure my boredom, and chuckle a bit, I went to the ex wife blog and clicked her "hasbeen" tag. And chuckle I did. I had forgotten she has been banned from talking to me, yet I know she still hits the blog once and again. Her "daddy" told her I was bad and couldn't play nice anymore. Well poo, I was just beginning. My feelings are hurt.

But it brings me to the point of my chuckle, and since she "can't" read my blog and has been banned from me, I suppose I have free reign to mouth off. Right??

And since I had only gone there to chuckle at her R bashing, I was once again enraged at how she behaved. Like he deserves being cheated on. That shit sucks. And then to simply try and pass it off as something he should over look.

Long story short, I read her blog mainly because I am waiting to see the "cheat" post. The axe will once again fall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now to get back to my research paper. Who knew borderline personality disorder could be so fascinating.

This is the good stuff....

So things are on hte up and up, I hope they keep going that way. Of course it all depends on my crazy brain and what it decides to toss at me next.

Lets see, the good list:

Work hours are picking back up

Got glowing reviews at work, again.

Got a call tonight asking me to sit on a board of directors for a local food pantry

Got another flattering call, in which I accepted, although I can't disclose the nature of what I will be doing. Lets just say I am super excited, and I think it is a good fit for making a difference

After some good advice from previous said friend, I know have a solid foundation on which to steer my future and education in preparation for the hopeful move to Germany. Now to pick up German, work much better to be bilingual.

Robert is seriously considering entering college.

And I will stop there, those are my most exciting points!

The downside is I am crazy buys sometimes, and trying to get it all done as well as make sure I have time to relax well, that is the sticky part. although today I took a nap on the couch after playing some Gran Turismo.

I wish I could say there will someday be an end to the downsides of life, but I can't. There will be a point in which life will feel oddly dark again. The plan is to be too busy to care. Actually, the plan is to be busy and make sure those things that keep me busy put a smile on my face and feed my soul come the end of the day.

And the relationship thing gets sticky in there too. I love Robert to pieces, but I started looking to  him recently to change how I felt, which is all but impossible in real life. He can do things to make me feel better, but it isn't up to him to do it. So I need to. He is excellent in letting me know how loved and cherished I am, but hiding behind him to help me feel value in life didn't work. Bah, I lost my train of thought. But being busy has helped me feel needed again. And in reality, he doesn't need me. He wants me, which is good but geez, sticky.

Ok, have to get busy!